her vagine was all disorganized.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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