She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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