I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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