Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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