I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
