I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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