I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
