so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
