it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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