So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
