Please don't use social media to get back at me.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
