one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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