Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
