And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
