Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
