I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
