Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
