Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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