Say something about gay babies.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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