i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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