U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
She said her name was "party"
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
