I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
