i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
