So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
