So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
