you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
