i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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