I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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