hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
