Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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