capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
