I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
FUCK WHALES
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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