Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
