wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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