I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
