just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
