I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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