Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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