he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Buhtt sex?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
