I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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