My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
