If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
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