definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
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I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
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i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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