your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
