Pappa wants mamma naked
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
