You can't motorboat a personality
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
