Little spoons don't ask big questions
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
