The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
