she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
My hand turned me down
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
