did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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