i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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