i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
