Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
