I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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