She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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