We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
