omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
