Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
