In the future we'll all be gay
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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