Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
