This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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