but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
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You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
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I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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