Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I think your dad took our porno
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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