I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
