Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Send help, water and tortillas.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
