what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
