So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
